It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've visited the blog.  I haven't been the best with keeping up with this!  Life has been b-u-s-y.

Caden is playing in two basketball leagues and has been keeping us busy with 3 games a weekend as well as 2-3 practices a week.  He's counting down the days until he can start playing in some golf tournaments.  I have a feeling our summer will be just as busy as our spring is turning out to be!

Cody is busy, too.  Most of you know he committed to Independence Community College in Independence, Kansas.  Independence is located about 70 miles directly north of Tulsa, Oklahoma.  We had two signing parties for him and enjoyed them both!  He even made the local news!  You can check it out here.  His spring golf tournament season is in full swing.  It is so hard to believe that these next few tournaments will be his last high school golf tournaments!  This spring semester is flying by!  In just over a month, he turns 18.  Suddenly, I feel older.

Michael is working hard at work.  He stays pretty busy as well.  He's been able to help coach Caden's club basketball team.  Caden loves his dad coaching his team.  He's always wanted Michael to coach his team.

As for me... life has been a little stressful.  I'm trying to keep up with all the boys' activities.  I'm having to pick and choose which game or tournament I watch.  That's hard.  I'm torn between both boys and would love to be able to be at two places at once!  Work has been hard these last couple of months.  I'm carrying a high patient load right now which is very stressful.  Some days there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done.  There's been too many days filled with tears.  It's been really hard lately.  On a positive side, I've lost 20 pounds.  I've stuck to a work-out regimen and completed a 6 week workout program.  On Monday, I am starting a new program that is much more intense.  I'm hoping the pounds will continue to drop.  I have a goal of 50 pounds by May.  I feel confident that I will reach that goal!

I have a couple of prayer requests... I am asking that you pray for a couple of families.  Earlier this week a young man who was only 22 years old passed away.  He worked at the golf club that we are members at.  Michael, Cody, and Caden all had a special relationship with him and he will be missed not only by my family, but many others as well.  Also, this week a 14 year old golfer died after falling off the back of a golf cart.  I can't tell you how many times both my boys have caught a ride to the clubhouse on the back of the cart.  This week, we were reminded how quickly life can change in just a blink of an eye.  Please remember these families in your prayers.

~jen               

Positive Change

I resolved two things for the new year... to renew my faith and to get healthy.  I have failed miserably at both of these over the last several months.  My spirit has been dry.  My faith, weak.  I lost my focus.  I have failed.  Over these last several weeks I began to realize that not only was I failing myself by not attending church regularly, but I was failing my children and Michael.

On January 9th, I pledged "30 days of Positive Change".  I recently started listening to K-LOVE on a regular basis and heard about the 30 Day Challenge.  30 days of Christian music and see how it changes your life.  I thought, I'm going to give this a try.  But, I decided to take it one step further... 30 days of Positive Change. 30 days to renew my spirit and get healthy.

It's working.  I haven't changed the radio station from K-LOVE since January 9th.  I downloaded the app on my phone and listen to it while I get ready in the morning.  I've even heard Caden singing along to the radio in the car.

I started reading Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Wife.  (Thanks to a sweet friend for the suggestion of the book along with surprising me with a copy of the book!)  I'm learning as I read.  I'm praying daily.
 
I've lost 9 pounds this week.  Yes, I know this is a lot for a week's time.  No, I'm not doing something crazy!  I started using the My Fitness Pal app on my phone.  I've set a daily calorie goal.  I track everything I eat.  I've given up all Coke products.  Only water or tea (sweetened with Splenda or Equal).  I haven't been able to get to the gym this week as Caden has kept me busy with basketball practices.   But, my goal for this next week is to start my Tae-Bo DVD workouts at home.

5 days into the commitment of Positive Change and I'm seeing changes.  I'm feeling the changes.  I still struggle at times letting negative thoughts (especially those involving work stress) creep in every once in a while.  But, it's a work in progress. 

~jen       

Happy New Year

Another year has come to a close and a new one is here.  There is such newness to a new year.  All those regrets, mistakes, failed resolutions of the previous year are behind me.  Ahead of me is a clean slate. I've debated the whole resolution thing.  Instead of a long list of resolutions, I've narrowed it down to just two. 

One: Renew my faith.
Two: Get healthy.

Simple and to the point.

Romans 12:2

~jen
  

Things I've Learned from Hospice

Soon after I graduated nursing school I overheard another nurse say that 'hospice is where old and tired nurses go to work'.  I am not sure what she really meant by that.  Maybe she was implying that hospice nurses don't work as hard as other nurses.  Or maybe she meant that hospice nurses don't have to use any skills.  Or maybe they don't have to be as smart or think as hard. 

That nurse... she didn't know what she was talking about.

I've never worked harder.  There are some days that I can't make a complete sentence when I get home because I am just mentally exhausted.  (I couldn't remember the words "contestant" and "try-out" while watching the X-Factor last week! You can ask Michael as he patiently waited and heard me struggle to  make a complete sentence!)

There are days that I am so emotionally drained that there is no emotion left in me. 

There are days that I can't stand to hear the phone ring because the phone rang non-stop. 

There are days that I was more than a nurse.  I was a nurse's aid.  I was a social worker.  I was a marriage counselor.  I was a pastor.  I was just someone to listen.  I was someone to hold a hand. 

There are days that I wish I could stick my head out the door and yell for another nurse to come take a look, or a listen, or bounce ideas off of.  Instead it's just me and the patient.  All those things I've learned along the road of nursing... I hope and pray they get me to where I need to be.

I broke down yesterday feeling as though I had failed a patient because I couldn't make this patient better.  The doctor on my team reminded me that I am not going to ever be able to make this patient better.  But, I haven't failed this patient.  I was reminded that we are taking care of the sickest patients.  Their bodies are giving out.  We are not going to be able to fix them.  Anything we do maybe gives them a few more months, weeks, days, or minutes.  But we haven't failed them.

It's so hard to switch a mindset of healing to palliative care.  I realize that I am still new to hospice and it's going to take time to fully be comfortable with this type of patient care.  More importantly, I need to remember to have patience with myself.

I need to remember that as long as I give my best, I will never fail a patient.

~jen  

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Time to finish this up...

Day 28:
Today I am thankful for the unconditional love of my parents.  They have tried to set the best example of Christian parents for my brother and I.  They have loved us unconditionally.  I have made my share of mistakes over the years, I may have embarrassed my parents a time or two, but their love and support has never waivered. 

Day 29:
Today I am thankful for forgiveness and grace.  Spiritually, I have stumbled and fallen over these last few months.     

Day 30:
Today I am thankful for Michael.  I am thankful that he works hard at work.  I am thankful for the father he is to the boys.  Even as I type this, he's at the gym with Caden working on some basketball skills. I am thankful that 18 years ago he stood by my side when he could have walked away.  While our marriage is far from perfect and we have our trials and struggles, as I am sure most couples do, we continue to try to make it work.  Marriage is hard work some days.  But we make it work.

Another 30 days of  Thanksgiving is complete.  I am reminded of how blessed I am.  There are a lot more than these 30 things to be thankful for. 

~jen

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 26:
Today I am thankful for lazy Saturdays with no agenda.  They don't happen very often with my two busy boys, but when they do... I sure do enjoy them!

Day 27:
Today I am thankful for a wonderful family photographer.  We are blessed to have Michael's sister as our personal photographer!  Thanks, Angie, for always doing such a great job!

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 24:
Today I am thankful for the extended family I like to think of as my own.  When I married Michael, I gained a very large family of in-laws!  I am blessed to have so many wonderful in-laws!

Day 25:
Today I am thankful for the Black Friday specials I was able to find even after getting 8 hours of peaceful sleep! No midnight shopping for this girl!  Nothing better than meeting a good friend for coffee at 7:45 in the morning then hitting the less crowded stores and still able to get some special deals!

Boobie Check ~aka~ Reality Check

**Warning... read at your own discretion!  There will be talk of boobies...  my boobies!**

Saturday, I discovered a lump.  The area surrounding the lump is very tender to painful at times.  The lump is about the size of a bean.  The tender area is about the size of a half-dollar or so.  I have never had any issues like this before so it is all pretty worrisome.

I saw my family doctor on Tuesday.  During the exam, we discovered several other tender areas as well.  I'm a few weeks away from my next cycle, so we don't think the areas of concern are related to hormone changes.  The doctor was fairly confident that this is not a cancer issue, but more of a fibrocystic disease.

I'm scheduled to have a diagnostic evaluation on Monday morning.  It will consist of a mammogram, ultrasound, and possible biopsy.

I'll be glad to have the procedure over and done with.  I've seen and heard the mammogram jokes.  So, I'm not looking forward to the visit at all.  But, hopefully I'll have some more definitive answers.

We all know someone who has been affected by breast cancer.  So, I can tell you that this has been a reality check for me.  It's a reminder to stay in tune with my body and what's going on.  It's a reminder to keep those annual appointments.  As a nurse I know that early detection is the key to any disease.  

I am mostly confident all will be ok.  (There's always a little worry!)  Prayers are appreciated!
~jen    

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 20:
Today I am thankful for the generosity of others.  Cody won an iPad 2 last night at his employer's holiday party and is so very excited to have his new toy!  May he be very responsible with his new, expensive gift!

Day 21:
Today I am thankful for a short work-week!    

Day 22:
Today I am thankful for the knowledge and advice of our family doctor.  We have been blessed over the years to have some of the best doctors caring for us!

Day 23:
Today I am thankful for recipes handed down from generation to generation.  But, none of them taste as good as those baked in the ovens of Granny, Grandma, and Mom.

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 19:
Today I am thankful for Caden's happy spirit during each and every basketball game.  There has not been a game where we did not watch Caden smile from the moment the game started until it ended.  He LOVES to play sports.  For the past 3 weekends, I have had 3 different mothers from our team come up to me and tell me what a joy it is for them to watch Caden play basketball.  They love his smiling face and happy spirit.  Win or lose, he's smiling the whole game!

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 16:
Today I am thankful for Peppermint Mocha's.  I love these especially on a cold morning!

Day 17:
Today I am thankful for my new Billy Blanks Tae Bo workout DVD's that arrived today!  So very excited to get started.  I love my Body Combat class at the town club, but too many times I am unable to attend the classes.  Now I can workout at home with my favorite workout partner... Caden!  He loved the one or two times he got to go with me to the Combat class (until they restricted the class to just adults!).

Day 18:
Today I am thankful for the job that I am blessed to be a part of.  Today was our Celebration of Life service.  Prior to every holiday season, families who have lost loved ones during the year are invited to attend the service.  Each family member brings an ornament to place on an empty Christmas tree.  Ornaments from the previous years are displayed on separate trees.  I spent several minutes looking at the ornaments from the previous years.  Tears quickly fell as I realized each ornament represented someone's loved one who passed away.  After the service, we had to take down the trees.  Each ornament was carefully wrapped and placed in a box for next year's service.  It is a privilege and honor to be apart of these families lives.

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 15:
Today I am thankful for SCHOLARSHIPS!!!  So very excited for Cody and his future!

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 12: Today I am thankful that I get to be a cheerleader mom.  I love to watch my boys play sports.  I love to cheer them on in each and every sport they choose to play!

Day 13: Today I am thankful for the groceries that I was able to purchase.  Our needs have never gone unmet.  We have never suffered from hunger.  We've never had to go without.  For that I am thankful.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for my sweet patients who continue to bless me everyday.  I learn from them.  I am reminded to be patient.  To not be in such a hurry.  To take time to just sit and visit.  Sometimes I get in such a rush to go in, complete my assessment, fill a pill box, call in refills to the pharmacy, that I forget to just take time to visit with them.  I had one patient tell me today that she loves the days I come see her because it gives her someone to talk to.  I am thankful for the blessing I receive from my patients.

Outlive Your Life

I'm taking a break from my 30 Days of Thanksgiving posts to share some personal thoughts.  Earlier this week, we heard the news of a tragedy that affected Michael's hometown.  A 37 year old... a daughter, a wife, a mother... was tragically killed in a weather related car accident just outside of Amarillo.  

I did not know her.  I knew of her, but did not know her personally.  Soon after hearing the news of her death I came across this video that was made almost a year ago to the date of her death.  I've watched it a few times now and thought I would share it.  Even though I did not know this beautiful woman, her words have touched my heart deeply. The morning after Michael received the call of her accident, I broke down crying after I realized that we were the same age.  Only 37.

Take a moment and watch her video.  What a powerful reminder to remember to Outlive Your Life.  

The morning of her death, Denai recorded a message on Grief- Loss of a Spouse, Parent, Child(ren) on blogtalkradio.  You can listen to it here.

My prayers continue for those who knew Denai.  For her family and friends.  I wish I had known her.  What a beautiful testimony her life was... and continues to be.

~jen

30 Days of Thanksgiving

I am struggling to stay on top of this.  How sad is this that I can't find (or make) 10 minutes to stop, sit down, and type.  I haven't made this a priority.  I am hoping to find renewed focus and complete this every day!
 
Day 9:
Today I am thankful for the wonderful teachers that teach my children every school day.  They are such a blessing and I appreciate all that they do!

Day 10:
Today I am thankful for a beautiful home.  For years we rented.  Our home was never really our home until we were blessed to purchase our very own home 3 years ago.  We live in a wonderful neighborhood and are surrounded by friendly neighbors.  We are blessed to make this house our home.

Day 11:
Today I am thankful for our freedom and for those that continue to fight for our freedom today.  Thank you to those who have served and for those who are serving today.  Thank you for fighting for my freedom.

~jen

30 Days of Thanksgiving

I've fallen behind.  Life has been so busy lately and there has not been enough hours in the day to get everything done.

Day 6:
Today I am thankful for the extended family I gained when I married Michael.  I have been blessed with some of the best in-laws!  To each of you, I love you as my own family!

Day 7:
Today I am thankful for my nursing degree.  It was a struggle to obtain, but I am so glad I held in there and got through school.  I am blessed everyday to be a nurse.

Day 8:
Today I am thankful that I was given another opportunity to hug my children.  Last night a 37 year old woman from Michael's hometown was killed in a car accident.  While I didn't know her personally, my heart just aches for her family.  This morning I broke down crying just thinking about how we are the same age.  We are both mothers, wives, daughters... Today I am thankful for another day.  Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

~jen

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 5:
Today I am thankful for the many birthday wishes I received throughout the day.  What a blessing it was!

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 4:
I thankful for good friends.  I am blessed with a wonderful group of friends.  At any moment I can pick up the phone and any one of them will be there for me.  I hope they know the same is true for them.  Thru facebook, I've been reconnected with so many friends from high school.  It is such a joy to stay in touch even though I haven't seen many of them in years!  Thank you to all my friends for being apart of my life.

30 days of Thanksgiving

Day 3:
Today I am thankful for my job.  While I complained earlier today about working 9 1/2 hours today (without a break), I do enjoy my job.  I can see this being my career.  I've struggled finding my niche within my nursing career.  But, this may be it.  I am blessed to work for an amazing company with such wonderful benefits and caring co-workers.  In today's economy, I am blessed to just have a job.

30 Days of Thanksgiving

Day 2:
Today I am thankful for my two precious boys.  What joy they have brought to my life.  Everyday they remind me how blessed I am to be their mom.