Self-Induced Time Out

There's a saying... something along the lines of... If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure don't deserve me at my best. Well, folks... I may be in one of my "worst" phases. And I realize that the following blog post my leave some of you offended and others possibly questioning my sanity... or maybe even both.

Tonight, after perusing through Facebook, which let's be honest here... is something that I feel I have lost all control to... I came across a couple of posts that just sent me in a tizzy! 

I can't believe she just posted that! Oh my goodness, if they only knew what MY life is like right now! There was lots of eye-rolling and puh-lease comments (that's a sarcastic "please").

Then I took it a step further and decided to create my own retaliation Facebook posts.

Something similar to...

I just tried searching for one of those cute ecards with a countdown to Christmas vacation for nurses. Oh wait. Those don't exist.

Then there was this one...

Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,

I do everything you do plus work 40 hours outside the home. 

The line has been drawn in the sand. I know. It's harsh and it's deep. And I fully understand after this post there may be "blocking" or even "unfriending". And I'm ok with that. (No, that's not a "I dare you to" statement.) 

This is where I am people. I am at a place where there needs to be a little self evaluation. If I can't rejoice and be happy for my fellow facebookers in their upcoming Christmas vacations (even though they've been counting down the days since the Thanksgiving break, and knowing full well that after the Christmas break there will be a spring break countdown... and let me dig this just a little bit further... after the spring break countdown there will be the end of the school year countdown) or be happy for that mom who gets to stay at home (even if she complains about not having enough hours in the day) then I need to seriously look inside my heart... and more importantly the Christian that I claim to be. 

So if you haven't already blocked me or unfriended me after just reading the above few lines, hear me out. 

Here's where the work begins. I'm signing off of Facebook until after the first of the New Year. Facebook has become all consuming in my life. This is my self-induced time-out. 

I hope to use this time to reevaluate my negative thoughts and to find my own happiness. To focus on what's important. To stop the all-consuming comparison game. To end the pity party that I've got going on.  And most importantly, become the Christian that I am supposed to be. 

Sigh.

That was super deep. 

Love me even when I'm at my worst, people.  

To those that are still reading this and still loving me... forgive me if I offended you.

May you all have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year. 

Until next year...

Love,

jen

PS... For Pete's sake, text me if you post something exciting on Facebook! 

30 Days of Thanksgiving

I have to confess that I'm very disappointed in myself that I couldn't commit to five minutes (or less) to daily post what I'm thankful for! So I'm going to attempt to get this finished tonight. 

Day Nine: I'm thankful for Cody and the joy that he has brought to our family. He's made me the mom I am today. Together we're still growing into the mother and son we're supposed to be. With every last, first, and challenging experience, we're both growing. I am so very thankful for this firstborn child of mine.

Day Ten: I'm thankful for friendships. Old friends, new friends, Facebook friends, friends who've shared the last 20+ years with me, friends who've come and gone, friends who've come and gone and come back again. 

Day Eleven: I'm thankful for the opportunity to Pay It Forward. This month I've been trying to celebrate my birthday by performing random acts of kindness. While in the drive thru at Roasters, I paid for the coffee for the lady behind me. I surprised a close friend by buying her lunch. I wrote special cards of thanks to co-workers. I made homemade cinnamon rolls and shared them with my office staff. I had originally planned so many more acts of kindness to perform, but maybe next year I can complete my list. 

Day Twelve: I'm thankful for the blessing that is Caden Thomas Conrad. What a ray of sunshine this child is. Always smiling with such a giving, sweet spirit. He keeps me young. He makes me laugh. He is such a blessing to our family.

Day Thirteen: I'm thankful for the vacations we have taken this year. Michael and I have been married for 20 years and up until this year, we had never been on a "real" vacation. This year we were blessed to take 3 separate trips to LA and Vegas, Denver, and Pittsburgh and Vegas. Amazing memories for our 20 year together. 

Day Fourteen: I'm thankful for my in-laws. There's a bunch of them. They are loud and rambunctious. But I wouldn't have them any other way! 

Day Fifteen: I'm thankful for our beautiful house that we've created a home. For years I thought home ownership would always be out of our reach. I love this home we've created for our family. 

Day Sixteen: I'm thankful for the hard worker Michael is. For the blessings his job has provided us with. For his boss, co-workers... they are more than that, they are his friends. For the love and concern that they have for each other. They are a family. 

Day Seventeen: I'm thankful for my new car. Part of the blessing of Michael's job is the opportunity to save money on the purchase of our cars, and the service of those cars! 

Day Eighteen: I'm thankful for my beautiful new wedding ring. I've waited a long time for this ring. I will cherish it, and the one who gave it to me, forever.

Day Nineteen: I'm thankful for my job and the patients and families I serve on a daily basis. I am honored to walk the journey of dying with them. To help bring them to peace with the process. To educate, to care for, to provide comfort, to hold their hands, wipe their tears... cry along side them. What a blessing this calling has been. 

Day Twenty: I'm thankful for having the courage to pray with my patients. 

** That's going to be all for tonight. Trying to type on my iPhone is getting more difficult. More to come soon....

~jen