Just thoughts...

This is a long one... lots on my mind today...

Today has been one of those days that you just can’t wait to end. All day long it has just been one thing after another. First… Caden’s sick. He started going downhill late yesterday afternoon. After a short nap on the couch yesterday he woke up hotter than ever with fire-red cheeks. His temp was in the 102’s and he was very crabby. No real complaints of anything except a headache. His fever continued through the night and this morning he woke up complaining of a headache, sore throat, and an earache. After a trip to the doctor this afternoon, we found out he has an upper respiratory infection and the start of an ear infection. His strep and flu tests came back negative (thank goodness). We started an antibiotic this afternoon. Hopefully within a day or two he will be back to good ole’ Caden.

We were supposed to have the hydrostatic (water and sewer) inspection on the house completed today. Well it appears that the clean-out valve is covered by the back patio. I’m not quite sure what is going on or how to explain it better. The end result was that they were not able to complete the sewer portion of the test because a new clean-out valve has to be installed… which only means one thing to us… more money will be involved. The good news from today is that they were able to complete the water line part of the inspection and it looks good. They are returning to the house in the morning to install the new valve and finish the inspection. I am completely worn-out by this whole experience. I am so ready for this process to be over.

Cody returned to school today from his extended spring break. They had a snow day yesterday. I think he was excited to be back in school. It seems once spring break is over, it’s all down-hill. He only has about 9 more weeks of school left. Wow. It will be summer before we know it!

I received some sad news this morning. An area teenager (a senior in high school) took his own life over spring break. I discovered after reading the obituary that I knew his mother. She is an instructor at the college I attended. I never had her in class, just passed her in the hallway every now and then. She also helped with a number of our clinical return demonstrations. She was such a friendly staff member, always smiling. I was so saddened by this news. I can only imagine what a nightmare this has been for their family. He was just a senior in high school, only weeks before graduation.

I remember how hard high school was. I remember having those feelings of despair that I would never survive what it was that I was going through. I thought about this for a good portion of the afternoon. I figured that since this was the first day back at school since spring break and this teen’s funeral was yesterday that Cody would probably have heard about it at school. I decided to use this as an opportunity to talk to Cody. After I picked him up from golf practice and before we went inside the house I asked him if he had heard anything about the suicide. He answered yes, that he heard some of his friends talking about it. A number of his friends have older brothers and sisters who attended school with this teenager. I asked Cody what he thought about it. Suicide isn’t something that we’ve ever really talked about. Immediately the “wall” went up. It seems that whenever I have something important to talk to Cody about this “wall” goes up between us. All I hear from him is, “I know mom”, “I know what you’re going to say”, “You don’t have to worry about me”, “It’s not going to happen to me”. I don’t know how to get through to him sometimes. I don’t know how to break that wall down so that he will actually listen to me. I don’t know how to get through that whole “I’m invincible attitude” that almost all teenagers have. I don’t know how to break that mindset that only bad things happen to those people, people who live over there, people not like me. The truth is bad things happen to everyone. I don’t know how to get Cody to where he will truly listen to me… to lose that attitude that I as his mother am stupid and don’t know what I am talking about. I tried to tell him that I hope he never ever feels so lost, or so alone, or so sad, or so miserable that the only solution he feels is left is for him to take his life. I want him to know that he can come to us for anything. No matter what it is, we are always going to love him and will help him with whatever it is that is causing him hurt, pain, anxiety, worry, or anger. There is nothing that we can’t overcome together. I want him to know that there is Someone greater than all of us who will help him overcome whatever it is that is causing him pain.

I pray that he let that wall down just a little this afternoon to hear my words and my pleas to know that he is too valuable to us, that he is too special to us, that he is so loved by us to ever let anything or anyone break his beautiful spirit. I hope he feels loved, that he knows how special he is to us, how proud we are of this young man that is growing up too quickly in a very scary world.

So, that's my day today. It's now almost 9:30. I'm ready for bed. I'm ready for this day to be done. I'm ready for a better day tomorrow. I pray for the family of this teen that they too may have better days soon.

Love,
~jen