Asking Why

Yesterday while seeing a patient at their home I sat in disbelief watching the news headlines unfolding before me. A shooting at an elementary school. More than 2 dozen dead, 20 of those were children. I sat in horror. An elementary school? How can this be? Then the images of children being led out by law officials. The terror and fear evident on their faces. They were just babies. Innocent children. I covered my face and sobbed. Right there in my patient's home.

45 minutes earlier I had been at Caden's school bringing him some Chick-fil-A for lunch. I handed off his lunch, gave him a quick hug and snuck in a kiss, and told him I loved him. He headed off into the cafeteria with his classmates. Both of us unknowing of what was unfolding thousands of miles away in an elementary school.

I left that patients house crying out "Why?". How could this be? How did this happen? Asking God above, why? Why did this happen? Couldn't You have stopped it?

Am I wrong to cry out asking why? To ask how could this be allowed to happen in an elementary school?

As soon as I could get home after school was out, I was there. I hugged Cade. I said a prayer of thanksgiving for the hug that I was able to give to my precious child. I said a prayer for every mother, father, grandparent... anyone who would no longer be able to give their child another hug again. I hugged Cade so long that he had to wiggle out of my hold. He laughed thinking we were playing a game.

Michael and I were careful to shield him from the news reports last night, neither of us ready to face the need to share this with Caden. The innocence of childhood will never be the same for those children affected by this latest shooting. Once Caden is exposed to this news, a part of his innocence will be gone as well. As a parent I want him to hear this news from Michael and I, not by a classmate at school next week. I want him to feel safe and secure at school. As a parent I want to know he is safe and secure at school all the while wondering are we safe anywhere anymore?

I know and believe we serve a mighty and powerful God. While the answer to "why" may not be known at this point, I can't give up hope. There is a reason, there is an answer to the "why".

In God's perfect timing it will be revealed. Maybe it was revealed yesterday for every parent who prayed over their child. For a lost soul who turned to God for the very first time. For me as I prayed for Cody and Caden and turned to the scriptures for answers and healing.

I do not understand the world we live in, but I know that by faith we will overcome this world.

~jen