Seriously... Something's got to give

It's already been that kind of a Monday morning. Didn't sleep well last night. Tossed and turned. Mind raced of bills that were due, this weeks activities, what days I am on-call this week, a house that needs major attention, dogs that won't quit barking every night, unkind words I spoke to my husband earlier in the day, unhappiness at work, frustration that the responsibilities of cooking and cleaning rest mostly with me, feelings of depression sinking in. This is becoming a nightly occurrence. Can't seem to put these things on hold long enough so that I can get a decent nights sleep.

I've been in a funk lately. Mad and depressed at myself for letting my exercise routine stop. I seem to be eating everything in sight. I haven't stepped on the scale in weeks, mostly out of fear. I don't want to face the scale. My clothes are feeling a little snug. So all the hard work I started this summer has completely disappeared. In it's place... more weight.


Michael and I had a discussion the other night that has weighed heavily on my mind these past several days. There are some days that I feel that I give and give and give to the boys and to Michael until there is nothing left for me. Financially, physically, mentally... and at the end... I'm drained. I said I needed "me-time". I needed to be able to go buy something for myself. Take time for myself. Go to aerobics by myself. Do something special for myself. Is that wrong? Am I being selfish that I am tired of being financially drained by the extracurricular activities that mostly benefit the boys in my family? Am I just having a pity party for myself? I'd be lying if I said no. I know I am having a pity party for myself and I need to just get over it.

Something's got to give. Something at home, at work, financially has to give. Enough is enough.

I need an attitude adjustment.
~jen