An old enemy is creeping back into my life. It's filled with anger, anxiety, sadness, tears, difficulty sleeping, headaches, short-tempers... it's a horrible disease that I am all to familiar with. I feel a bout of the blues hitting hard. I first noticed it about a week ago. I began to distance myself from friends, co-workers, and even family. It seems to taken full hold today. Tears have been eminent. I have been short-tempered at work and with my family. Cody and I had a full on argument over fish last night. I'm not going to rehash it out for you all. It seems so trivial now. But the argument has occurred and the damage is done.
Depression steals not only your own happiness, but the happiness of those around you. It's a horrible disease. I've had my share of struggles with depression over the years. There have been rounds of antidepressants until life seemed to balance itself out.
Life is out of balance right now.
I'm beginning to get frustrated on this weight loss journey. The scale and I have a love-hate relationship. Right now I hate the scale. It hasn't moved in over 2 weeks. I take that back. It's moved. The same one-two pounds seem to fluctuate as a gain and then a loss. It is so frustrating to work and work and watch what I eat only to see the scale fluctuate. I've also noticed that I'm losing my momentum with my run-walk program. This week the workouts intensified greatly with a 6 minute run within the run cycles. I just can't do it. I've had to go back to last week's workout cycle. I attempted to do the workout tonight, but just couldn't get my head around it so I turned around and came back home. I'm scared of where I am right now. I don't want to give up. I don't want to lose my focus. I need my life to get back into balance.
~jen
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