Tonight my heart is heavy. Not my physical heart, but the emotional one. In 2 days, my Cody turns 18. How can a heart be filled with such joy, love, pride, and sorrow all at the same time?
For the last several weeks, I've pushed aside these feelings. Tonight, they seem to all be crashing down on me. So many memories are flooding my mind.
The smell of Johnson's baby lotion. Chubby thighs. A pacifier and a cloth diaper. "Hold you". A smile that could light up my world... and one that still does. Lots and lots of laughter. Parent taught driver's education. Curiosity of what could be found in Mimi's kitchen drawers. Sunday outfits complete with bow-ties and suspenders. Quiet-time books. Frogs. Snow angels. Flashcards. Love of the outdoors. Birthdays. Hugs and kisses. Fields of sunflowers. Driver's license. Broken arm. Chubby fingers. The love of anything sweet. Lost cell phones (plural... cell-phones!). First smile. First step. First day of school. First speeding ticket. First wreck. First heartache. Every first. Watching him become a brother. The love of the game.... every game.... every sport. Lakers. Steelers. Emergency appendectomy. Rocking him to sleep. Holding him. Loving him.
Cody was such a blessing. Cody is a blessing. In some ways, we've grown up together. I look back at pictures of Michael and I shortly after we had Cody and I think... "we were just kids". We were. We've grown over these last 18 years. We've made our share of parenting mistakes. I probably even made one today. I have not always been the best mother at times. Lost my temper. Raised my voice. Even screamed. Gave in. Gave up. Didn't set the best example. Said something at some point that I wished I could take back. I pray Cody knows there was/is no parenting manual. He didn't come with a set of instructions. (Man, wouldn't that have been wonderful!) While the timing of Cody's arrival wasn't ideal, I can't imagine life any other way. He has shaped this family into what it is today. I wouldn't be who I am today without him. He is one of my biggest blessings.
I am so very proud of the young man that Cody is becoming. We've had our share of struggles. But I think that goes hand in hand with parenting. We've learned some tough lessons along the way. It hasn't always been easy. I pray that in Cody there is a little of both Michael and I and that he'll carry us along with him wherever he goes. I pray that in his heart he knows just how much he is loved and how proud we are to call him ours.
There have been many tears of joy over the last few years. And while I know there will be many more tears in the near future as we celebrate his 18th birthday and upcoming high school graduation... I am reminding myself to not "cry because it's over, but to smile because it happened" (Dr. Seuss). And there have been some wonderful smiles through the years...
~jen
No comments:
Post a Comment